paige vanzant santa outfit
Screenshots: Paige VanZant and Paige Spiranac Instagrams

In America we love Manicheanism. Things are good or bad, black or white, hot or not. One can be only a legitimate athlete or, say, a model.

Until something or someone comes along and breaks the mold (I must give Marca all the credit for this idea). The Two Paiges – VanZant and Spiranac – are legitimate athletes and models. And they’re giving us a whole new reason to celebrate the season of Christ’s birth. Just look:

Spiranac First Out Of The Gate

Our favorite golfer, the very talented Paige Spiranac, kicked off the athlete-model-influencer Christmas battle with a gift guide for everyone in your life who loves the game.

Between virtual driving ranges, golf bags, the latest shoes, and even her new children’s book, Hattie Goes Golfing, Paige has you covered, unlike her… moving on.

But the real kicker, of course, is her 2024 golfing-and-bikini calendar. What does it even mean? Nobody knows! Nobody cares! Put that in your Manichean pipe and smoke it, bozos!

Ah, but there are Two Paiges. VanZant also joined in the Christmas festivities.

Paige-ing Santa Baby

Since her retirement from MMA and bareknuckle boxing, VanZant has taken advantage of her natural beauty to boost her rep as a mega-hottie, and her athleticism to push into professional wrestling.

Unfortunately for her, if Santa or his elves start looking at her spicy Instagram feed, the North Pole really will melt. Our other favorite Paige dressed up like one of those elves, and so far 58,000 people have changed their Christmas list to put her at the top.

Fellas, they just don’t know what it’s like trying to stay on the right side of Santa’s ledger.

The Season Has Only Begun!

While I was hard at work researching for this article, I figured we better stop in on our other favorite sporting influencers to see if they’re feeling the spirit – only to find our friend Rachel Stuhlmann, America’s greatest tennis player, on the mend after some serious surgery.

Unfortunately, because the season has just begun, we weren’t able to find festive celebrations from some of our other favorite stars like Alex Morgan, Lolo Jones, Valerie Loureda, Megan Anderson, or Mikayla Demaiter.

But don’t you worry, dear reader. We have the best research team in the country, and we will be sure to bring you the latest in Christmas fashion from the double threat women of the world.